Merlin's Diary
by sanghee
Summary: Merlin confessed that he had magic to Arthur and was evicted. However Arthur began to read Merlin's diary and found out everything Merlin has done for him. (read profile for more info)
1. evicted

**Chapter 1**

**hello world~**  
**please enjoy... right... and also yeah... (the * indicates a flashback~~~)**  
**and also please review so yeah...**

****EDITED BY IHATA! I LOVE HER AND YOU SHOULD TOO! oh and dont forget to thank her in the comments (she made everything better ^.^)**

* * *

Merlin's Diary  
Chapter one: Eviction

o.o.o.o.o

A male rushed into his shared chambers with a loud bang. The male was panting; his jet-black hair stuck to his pale face as he scrambled past the physician and into his room.  
"Merlin?" It was Gaius the court physician.  
Merlin ignored the elderly man and threw his clothes into a large leather bag.  
"Merlin! What is going on?" Gaius hurried to the door of Merlin's room.  
_*"Go Leave!" Author screamed*_  
The young warlock hurriedly grabbed his necessary belongings and shoved them into his bag. The raven haired man flung the sack over his shoulder and embraced Gaius.  
"Gaius… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry," and after looking at the old man for a split second the warlock absconded from his living quarter. However Merlin, trying to run through the dark wooden door as quickly as possible, caught the strap swinging from his bag on the door handle. A few of the manservant's possessions flew out of the sack. The running warlock ignored the few possessions and desperately flew out of the door.  
_*Merlin was in the King's room placing the royal ceremonial clothes onto the plush red bed. Arthur came in through his heavy door whilst stretching. "Merlin, it looks like you finally got the hang of not being an idiot."  
Just as the King had complemented him, Merlin's feet tripped over the numerous clothes on the floor. Arthur rolled his eyes and sarcastically said, "I can't believe how smart you've become."  
"Thanks Arthur, and looks like you learned how not be a prat," answered the manservant.  
Arthur smirked and gave a 'haha-that's-funny' scoff.  
Merlin got up to his feet and began picking up the various items of clothing while Arthur sat down at his dark, wooden desk. After a few minutes, Arthur broke the silence that had emerged.  
"Oh god… The sorcerers are going wild… thanks to Dragoon the Great! Looks like he's starting a rebellion." Arthur scrunched his face and gave a disgusted look. "I used to think magic could have been given a chance… but not anymore, they're all evil."  
Merlin tried his hardest to ignore the king's mercenary comments.  
"The only thing Magic has done is hurt my family and me."  
"You're wrong, magic has done some of the greatest things. Things beyond even your imagination… and besides Dragoon the Great isn't responsible for the uprising." Merlin quietly mumbled as he continued to complete his chores.  
However Arthur heard every word muttered by his manservant. The King furrowed his brow and rose from his chair. "What did you say Merlin?"  
The young Warlock widened his eyes in surprise and fear. Crap, crap, crap, he thought. "Nothing sire."  
"Merlin," Arthur barked. "What do you know about magic?"  
Should I tell him I was born with magic? Merlin furrowed his brows and stood up straight. Might as well… we have been together so such a long time… I doubt he'll get me beheaded. Merlin opened his mouth and took a deep breath. "Because I have magic."  
Arthur opened his mouth, he walked over to Merlin and with a completely and utterly baffled expression asked "Are you sick? I should take you to Gaius" and laughed full-heartedly.  
"Arthur I'm not joking. I have magic" Merlin pushed. "I have been in the shadows while you complained about how evil magic is! It hurts me when I have to kill my own kind because of your ignorance! Magic is not bad… only the people are!"  
Arthur halted his laughter "What's wrong with you Merlin?" Arthur took a step back. And the young warlock muttered a spell under his breath and lifted a belt from the ground to show Arthur. "Y-you're putting on a show."  
"Arthur stop denying it! I have magic…" Merlin was becoming frustrated.  
Then it finally hit the King. He turned around and ran his hands through his blond hair. After taking a few steps towards his desk he turned around, eyes strained. "I TRUSTED YOU!"  
Merlin placed his hand over his heart, it began to hurt.  
"ALL THIS TIME!" Arthur's eyes became glossy as did Merlin's.  
"Wait Arthur please let me explain." Merlin bit his lower lip and took a step forward.  
"NO!" Merlin froze and Arthur walked up to Merlin and looked straight into his eyes. "Leave… never come back..."  
"Ar-Arthur please listen!" Merlin could feel his heart shattering.  
"GO! LEAVE!" Merlin jumped and ran to the door. "IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN… I WILL KILL YOU!" With that the manservant ran out of the room.  
Arthur felt a tear drop from his eye. "I am only letting you live since you are my friend who I love as a brother."_*  
Later that evening Gaius entered Arthur's chamber and walked up to him. Arthur finished signing some paperwork. "Arthur… Merlin hasn't come back…"  
"Gaius, don't talk about him in front of me." Arthur winced at the sound of his name.  
"Why would you do anything like that? Why would you?" The court physician dropped his gaze to the ground before looking up again. "He was like your brother."  
"Gaius… Stop… I don't want to lose another friend." Arthur closed his eyes and clenched his fists.  
"I have known you ever since you were born… I loved you as my son but I loved Merlin as my son too. I am disappointed in you." The elderly man placed a well bounded book on Arthur's desk, turned and left the room.  
Arthur opened the book and found Merlin's handwriting in it. His diary! Arthur furiously threw it under his bed.

o.o.o.o.o

Merlin arrived to his village at midnight and knocked on Hunith's door. The warlock heard rustling and footsteps. When the door opened he embraced his mother. "Mother, I've missed you and I am truly sorry" Merlin looked into the eyes of his mother.  
Hunith smiled with tears in her sleepy eyes. "My son… I've missed you too." Merlin kissed her cheek.  
"Mother… if anyone comes to your door and asks for me… tell them I am dead" Merlin whispered in her ear. "I want to protect you… and this is the only way I can."  
Hunith covered her trembling mouth and lowered her head and nodded. "I-I love you my son…" Merlin held her hands and kissed them. They embraced again and then Merlin rushed to the woods.  
Hunith fell to her knees and sobbed.

o.o.o.o.o

Merlin continued to walk through the dark forest, when he heard rustling. He jumped as he turned and came face to face with Kilgharrah.  
"Great Dragon… what can I do for you?" Merlin smiled.  
"Well young Dragon lord I was wondering if you would join me on a quest to settle the rebellions." The great dragon smirked.  
"Anytime." The warlock smiled, he climbed unto Kilgharrah's back and felt the wind dance around him as if trying to comfort him.  
He closed his eyes and began dreaming about the first time he'd came to Camelot.

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**Soo how was it? I really really hoped u enjoyed it~~~ please leave a review and i hope you'll keep on reading the next chapter too... if I update...)**  
**Anyway I'll update soon so you guys get an idea of how I'm going to structure the whole thing :)**


	2. The Dragon

**Hi im back~~~ (usually i would update once a week but... i thought nah)**

**so here is another chapter please enjoy~~~ and the * mean its from Merlin's Diary**

Merlin's Diary

Chapter 2: The Dragon's Call

o.o.o.o.o

Arthur Pendragon was lying on his large bed, thinking about a week ago. _It has already been a week since I didn't see Merlin…_ Arthur turned to his side. _I don't care though… he lied to me… he…_ The King couldn't take it any longer he shoved his blankets off to the side and kicked his leg over the edge of the bed.

"OW" the King stepped on a corner of a book and feel on his knees. "Damn! Who would put a stupid book here?" Then he turned to look at the object that humiliated him. _Merlin's Diary… _Arthur picked up the book and furrowed his brows.

"Arthur?" It was Gwen, sorry… Queen Guinevere Pendragon. "Arthur what are you doing? Is something wrong?"

"N-No" Arthur hid the book behind his back and gave a smile.

"Okay… well you're Knights need you my King."

"I'll come in a moment." Arthur waited until his wife left and he took Merlin's journal and opened it to the first page.

_*Dear diary,_

_I'm here in Camelot, and the first impression I got from Uther was… man he is really weird. First he beheads Thomas James Colin, the holds a festival… Then this old witch cries about her son (which I feel bad for) but still… this is too much she almost killed Uther's son. I thought I had to keep low but I wasn't able to since I kinda saved Gaius from falling to his death._

_Well he was chill about my magic… so I guess it's okay… but when I went into his chambers it was amazing, the things that were in the room! Anyway… I surprised him then he fell back and almost fell like 20 feet, then I slowed him down with magic and made his bed zoom under him. But then he started to freak out… he asked me questions like "where did you learn magic" and whatnot… it was hard to really answer since I was born with it…*_

"Merlin was born with… Magic?" the king muttered to himself. "What is this?" _Merlin was born with magic… why did he come to Camelot?_ The king continued to read.

_*He showed me to my room and the thoughts of being in a land where magic is banded really got to me… but I looked out my window and saw the kingdom… was magical. The dark night was filled with bright orange-yellow light. It was amazing._

_But I cannot help thinking about why my mother sent me to Camelot… Why would she send me to a land where magic is band?_

_The next morning I woke up and heard my name… but no one was there it was just me in my room. When I went outside Gaius pushed water off the table and I ended up stopping it as usual… I can't help it since I cannot control what comes out._

_Even Gaius wondered where the magic came from since I don't know any spells. He told me to not get into trouble.*_

Arthur stood up, he walked over to his desk with his nose in the journal. _He didn't know any spells… I thought all magic was supposed to be from the spells. He… He is so weird._ Arthur halted and looked out the window. _I will never see him again… That's good… t-that's good._ Arthur closed his eyes and tried to get the feelings out of his already broken heart.

o.o.o.o.o

Arthur and his men were discussing a strategy that concerned defeating rebels.

"You have no idea what they are up to… no one does." Sir Leon spat at Gwaine's face.

"I bet our boy Merlin would have been able to figure it out…" the drunken Knight muttered. Gwaine was hurt… his best friend was evicted… the only true friend he had was gone from Camelot, but because the man who calls himself King doesn't approve of magic… _I don't care if Merlin was a Sorcerer… he is still Merlin… of course I'm hurt that he didn't tell me but… I still care about him._

Arthur couldn't stop thinking about Merlin's Diary, everything he thought was a lie… it was false. "Men, I…" he needed to find an excuse to get away from the Knights, "I-You guys should train… I'll be doing King stuff… um"

"Arthur you really are horrible at lying" Gwaine commented, "If you want to be alone, we understand. We'll wait for you, Princess"

Arthur ignored the last comment and rushed out the meeting room _I'll get that idiot to do humiliating drills_

_*When I was out delivering medication to people, I met Arthur… he is a total prat,*_

"HEY" Arthur snorted

_*he began throwing stuff at a poor servant, I told him to stop but then it got kind of out of hand, I wanted to seriously cast a spell on him or something… but I knew I couldn't so… I just tried to punch him, but I eventually got pushed into a jail cell… (such a prat I mean like who in the world would freaking throw stuff at anyone? Really really stupid and mean.)_

_I was then thrown into jail… meh. The next morning I woke up again, to the sound of the same person calling my name. Guias eventually saved me. But… I was humiliated… the civilians threw vegetables at me, but I did met Gwen, she is really sweet she called me brave, but she said I wasn't like a strong person…_

_Then it got awkward… but she said people called me a real hero… that was nice.*_

Arthur climbed onto his bed and continued to read the entry.

_*I talked with Gaius about magic, he said that I am a question that have never been asked… I eventually learned about what happened 20 years ago and the last dragon under the castle.*_

Arthur looked at the sentence for a bit longer. "I am a question that have never been asked…" _Merlin… is he really that special? He was the only one to be born with Magic, to have no one to help him, no one to guide him._ Arthur continued to read, but a part of his heart tore.

_*When I went to deliver Lady Helen's medication I found interesting things such as a voodoo doll and a spell book. But I ended up just leaving._

_Arthur caught my attention and it was really annoying…. He is a freaking ROYAL ASS. I had to fight him… I think I insulted him pretty well… muahahaha "how long have you been training to be a prat… my lord"_

_I eventually had to use magic and I made tripped him and but I lost… since Guias… distracted me. But he did mention about how I was different from other people he met.*_

"AH HAH! I knew it, there was no way I was that clumsy!" Arthur jumped up and down on his mattress; he stopped when something caught his eyes, Gwaine. "I… I uh"

"Sure princess, I just have a question to ask…" The Knight lowered his dark brows and walked closer to the King, "Why… Why did you have to… Merlin? You have no idea what he might have been going through… the guilt he must have felt when he knew he was going against the rules… the sadness when you, his best friend said that you hated people with magic…"

"Stop." Arthur sat back down.

"He loved you. He cared for you he did things that no one would have ever … EVER done for you."

"STOP!" Arthur stood up and glared at Sir Gwaine. "Leave… please leave,"

The brown haired male sighed and turned around to leave the King alone with his thoughts.

_*I got into a fight with Gaius… I said "If I can't use magic I'd rather much die…" which is true because… life has been really harsh on me… magic has been the only thing I have been good at and it is my identity… It keeps me alive…_

_But I couldn't really help thinking… what if I'm a monster? Why was I born with magic? I hate it. Why am I like this? I hate being different.*_

Arthur stopped. _Rather much die… my identity… monster… I hate it… different… Merlin I never knew… I never knew you hated being different. _Arthur thought about what his friend told him a second earlier. _What was Merlin really going though?_

_*I thought I was useless… I thought I was a wasted space, until the great dragon told me otherwise. He was the one calling me… I had to go past the guards and stuff to meet him.*_

Arthur opened his eyes wide.

_*He told me… that my destiny… my gift is needed to protect Arthur… the once and future king… to help him unify the land…_

_I hated the idea of helping Arthur… I mean like he is an idiot… the dragon must have been wrong since I'm not useful.*_

The King could not contain his thoughts, he could not organize what he was thinking about, everything was confusing. _Merlin... was born to protect me..._ no one's trust worthy… no one_… no one except Merlin. that's why he was so... loyal... but did he really think of me as only as a ... destiny?_

_*But then the morning after that I got to meet Morgana. She is really really pretty. But it was … I don't really want to talk about it… uhh right…_

_Anyway during the feast I had to accompany Gaius, I say Morgana and she was really pretty. But not my type… it got more awkward since Gwen was like… "I like ordinary men like you…" haha but she didn't really mean that… she meant "I like ordinary men _like _you."_

_I really don't like Uther… talking about peace._

_When Lady Helen was singing it was an amazing voice, but it turned out to be a spell… everybody began falling asleep and I covered my ears to stay awake, everything was being covered my spiderweb and she tried to kill Arthur but I stopped her by making the chandelier fall on her. She threw the dagger and made it go slowly I saved Arthur… but I was now his Manservant*_

"So I already owed my life to him… he wasn't even in Camelot for a month," mumbled the king. "I have to find him… I have to bring him back…"

Arthur walked down the stairs to prepare his horse.

_*But I found out that my magic's purpose my destiny is to protect Arthur… Gaius gave me a book of magic spells…which made my night._

_But ugh… I really don't like Arthur.*_

"Where do you think you're going Princess?" It was the long wavy haired fellow.

"To find Merlin"

"I'll come as well. Can't have a princess ride alone can I?"

**yay another chapter done :)**

**okay please please please review or else i do not have the motivation to continue and also... u guys make my day 293454 times more better if u leave a review... so please tell me what u guys think~~~~**


	3. Valiant

**Hello again~~ thank you for waiting a week! all of you guys have really made my day so much more better ^.^ i just hope they keep on coming~**

**so please enjoy the next chapter**

* * *

Merlin's Diary

Chapter 3: Valiant

o.o.o.o.o

Arthur stormed into Ealdor with his white horse. The king had no idea where his ex-manservant was, so he figured out his mother could help.

The sun was setting; Gwaine got off his horse and tried to calm his smooth out his wavy hair. "So little Princess here we are… where Merlin was born." The drunken knight and the King walked on the muddy path to Hunith's door.

"Are you ready?" Gwaine took a deep breath and placed a hand on Arthur's shoulder.

_Knock Knock Knock_

"Coming!" There was a yell. The two men could hear hurried footsteps come near the door. A small woman with a smiling face came to the door, except her smile faded. "Arthur," her voice was breathless.

"Hunith, may I ask you where M-Merlin is?" Arthur blinked a few more times and waited.

"I-I" Merlin's mother's mouth was open but no words would come out of her mouth. Her face became disorientated, eyes glossy. "M-Merlin…" Her voice broke. "Merlin is dead," she whispered. Tears poured out of her eyes and she muttered an apology. "My lords, please come in… please stay for the night."

Arthur just stood there mouth slightly open he was in shock.

Gwaine took charge and responded to the sobbing woman. "Well ma'am it would be our pleasure to-to spend the night."

o.o.o.o.o

Arthur sat on a bed, _Merlin's bed_.

Gwaine left their room and went for a walk through the back door. _Merlin… Merlin is gone? My best friend is dead? It can't be._

The knight drew a deep breath however the lump in his throat prevented him to.

o.o.o.o.o

_Dear Diary,_

_I forgot to mention… remember when I told Arthur that I would be able to beat him with less than a weapon? He probably doesn't believe me. But I'll brag to you because I can. I have magic and he doesn't I guess I'll get him back on day._

Arthur continued to read his best friend's diary, "Merlin you… buffoon…" Arthur snorted, he smiled.

_There is a tournament in Camelot and I have to work as a servant for that Arthur Prat. He was training with me, I am really not used to the soldier stuff, I think his target was my head he would not stop hitting me. After a full day of being hit and beaten by Arthur I couldn't feel my limbs… and I swore I heard clanging in my ears for the next couple of hours._

"Did I really do that?" He muttered.

Gwaine came back into the room with eyes red as blood. Arthur looked up and closed the leather book.

"What is that?" Gwaine asked. Arthur opened it and showed the Knight.

"Gaius gave this to me. I don't believe Merlin is dead… he can't be." Arthur closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Arthur, stop living in the past… Merlin is dead!" Gwaine yelled.

"No… stop he can't be." Arthur opened his eyes they were filled with anger. Gwaine walked up to him and grabbed both sides of the King. "HE IS DEAD!"

"LET GO OF ME!" Arthur screamed with blazing fire. "You… just…" The blond male picked himself up and shoved past the brunet.

_Gaius again warned me not to use magic for simple reasons but it's hard not to when I freaking have to take care of a Prat for a Prince. Gaius said "Helping out Arthur might be fun…" Hell yeah okay fine it is… only if I didn't have to do anything!_

The blue eyed King walked outside and felt the cold air cool him down a bit. _I never thought about if Merlin _wanted_ to be by my side… _

_Gwen helped me with Armor stuff; fortunately she is the blacksmith's daughter. She is very… she's a wonderful person._

_It's so easy annoying the crap out of Arthur,_

"At least that idiot wasn't oblivious to the fact…" Arthur mumbled. He looked up at the black sky and his vision became blurred. Tears began flowing down his face. "What is this?" Arthur touched his cheeks… they were moist. Arthur Pendragon, the mighty King of Camelot was pouring out his tears for his manservant.

_He says he never gets nervous but when I was putting his armor on he was shaking like a leaf! But other than that I thought it went pretty well._

_The first day of the tournament went well. Arthur was a pretty good fighter, I admit… I too got pretty excited. That Knight named Valiant was pretty good as well, a bit brutal though._

"Sir Valiant… I remember him" Arthur mumbled, tears still dripping down his cheeks, his eyebrows furrowed and he was frowning-hard- as if to keep himself from crying out.

_After the first day Arthur made me do so many chores… it wasn't funny. I was using magic to clean but Gaius caught me. And I was stuck with useless chores._

_The next morning when I went into the weapon room I heard snakes from a shield, and I swore one blinked at me. Other than that I dressed Arthur pretty well… I guess it was a complement. And actually serving Arthur wasn't completely horrible._

_Serving Arthur wasn't completely horrible…_ That got to the King, he was crying hard. Even snot was streaming down his pink nose. _Oh My God… Merlin! Merlin…_ Arthur began choking… "Oh My God… what did I do? What did I do?" He cried silently. "Merlin… Merlin I'm sorry I'm sorry!"

Hearing the noise, the long haired Knight came out and saw his King on the ground on four, crying. "Arthur!"

"What did I do? Gwaine what did I do to him?!" Arthur cried loudly. The king coughed and gasped for air. "I kicked him out! I yelled at him to go away!"

The knight ran to Arthur and got him on his knees, "Arthur, breathe! BREATHE DAMN IT!"

"NO! I don't want to live! I-Without Merlin how could I-I possibly rule my kingdom?" Arthur's mouth was turning blue.

Gwaine was shocked, he did not know what to do. So he eyed Arthur straight in the eye and forced his words out, trying not to cry, "You can do it… Do not waste anything… Do not waste anything that Merlin has done for you."

Arthur began to breathe again. But tears did not stop flowing. "Why did I do it?" He whispered.

"I don't know Arthur… I don't know." Gwaine pulled the king up and helped him to the room. Hunith was at the door, her eyes pink.

"I'm sorry"-_for telling a lie…- _Hunith shut her eyes and scrunched up her face, she left the two men alone.

o.o.o.o.o

Merlin walked on the dirt trying to pick up a hint of where the next few rebels were. "hey… Kilgharrah… thanks for picking me up." It has been a week or two before Merlin actually spoke about the day he was evicted.

"My pleasure young dragonlord." The magical creature laid there on an open field resting his wings. "But I am sure you know why."

"Yes… to protect Arthur and the future Kingdom of another battle of magic that happened 20 sum years ago.

"Yes… I'm sorry but he is your destiny."

"I know."

o.o.o.o.o

_During the second day a Knight was bitten by a snake, to get the antidote I had to find the snake and I knew it was from Valiant's Shield, I saw him feed a rat to his shield, there were snakes coming out of the drawing. So I told Gaius but he told me I needed proof or else a servant's word doesn't count. _

"He really did care about me… even though I treated him harshly." Arthur told Gwaine, the King calmed down and was again reading Merlin's Diary.

"Yup Arthur he did… He loved you even though you hated the one thing he could not change… Magic." Gwaine took a second and looked at Arthur to make sure he was alright.

Arthur was lying in Merlin's bed and Gwaine was sitting on a stool drinking alcohol he brought form his favorite tavern.

"Did you know, the first few days of coming to Camelot, he saved me from a witch."

"Really?" Gwaine looked at the King. _Merlin will never surprise me. _He smiled and thought about his best friend. "Well… that sounds like him."

"Yeah…" the conversation died out and the blond continued to read.

_The third day, Valiant was really getting violent. I needed to put an end in it or else Arthur could die. Gaius told me... to make an antidote we needed the venom from the snake. When the Knights were having their meal I entered Valiant's chambers and was almost bitten by the snake, I cut off its head and ran for Gaius. I told Arthur, but he wouldn't believe me… at first. He made me swore and I swore because it was the truth._

_Merlin, why did you risk your life for me? I treated so badly, _ Arthur thought.

_Arthur requested an audience with the King, but it was a failure… the witness died. Uther is really a harsh king, I cannot express my anger. No words… NO WORDS could express my anger. But Arthur was acting like a true Prince, like a true knight. But it wasn't his fault. I really wanted to get back at Valiant. _

_Arthur was very disappointed in me. It was heartbreaking, I know I was telling the truth, but he… he was very disappointed; he told me he trusted me and I wanted that. But he… he fired me. He told me he needed a servant he could trust… everything for that reason… I went to the Great Dragon. I told him… that he got the wrong person. I was not meant to save Arthur._

_But you are the right person… All this time you have been trying to save my behind and all I did was push you away…_ The king became enlightened; he sat up and furrowed his brows. Gwaine looked his way.

_But the Great dragon told me that I was Arthur's other half, and his true heart could not really hate me… but it was not a pleasant feeling that I was… born for Arthur… I was born to protect someone who does not trust me, is that it? I have no use, I am not important enough to be anything important; I was born so another could become great. So I guess I really am useless and merely a servant._

_Is that really what you thought? Did you really feel this way?_ Arthur could only gape at the fact that Merlin was like true family. "Gwaine, Merlin… did he ever complain about me? Did he ever truly complain?"

"No sire," Gwaine came over to Arthur who was staring at a line in the book. _ I was… born for Arthur_ "Merlin must have been heartbroken. The second event that happened… he feels useless." The drunken Knight felt his cheeks grow red with irritation. "Merlin was useful, he was better than anyone I have ever met… he was… my true friend."

"Yeah" the king continued. "Merlin, was my true brother… the other half of me."

_That dragon would never give me a straight answer; I was extremely irritated with that dragon._

_Only Gwen could believe me. A great friend she is, and there was hope since I figured out what to do._

_I brought a statue of a hound into my room, and began practicing a spell that would make the dog come alive. I would not work. I tried everything, whispering the spell, shouting it, calling the dog to me, everything… I even laid out food for it, but nothing worked._

"Haha! Merlin, that boy! He is amazing! How old was he then?" Gwaine laughed.

"eighteen!" Arthur laughed as well… but he stopped and thought for a second. "trying to remember Merlin… is actually helping us… it isn't killing us."

"Yeah, Merlin had the power to make us laugh even though… he…" The sentence just ended there. Arthur and Gwaine turned their heads to the opposite sides.

_So I gave up for the moment and went to Arthur to wish him luck, but he told me to get out of my sight. He showed me what a true idiot was… he kept on going on about duty… I guess he's right; he must have so much stress upon his shoulders._

Arthur raised his eyebrows and said. "I'm pretty impressed that Merlin figured that out." Gwaine was asleep and leaning on the King. "Ew…" Arthur gave a disgusted look and pushed him off the bed. "Disgusting…"

_But when I came back I did not stop reciting the spell. No matter what I would not give up, all night I recited it over and over again. But I was staring to disappoint myself. But in the early morning a dog barked at me… IT WORKED! So I ran past Gaius and headed towards the arena, it was hard to find a good moment to expose the shield. _

_So Merlin did not sleep at all… just to save my sorry little ass?_ Arthur smiled a bit.

_Eventually I casted the spell and everything was exposed and Sir Valiant was killed._

_It was over._

_And at the dinner… Prince Arthur… PRINCE ARTHUR… said his apologies_

"Ughh" Arthur placed his hands on his forehead and groaned. "I should have just thrown you in prison," but the King just gave a smile and chuckled. "That idiot."

_ and I was rehired… but I wished I wasn't. I think he made up some chores so I would just suffer._

_Arthur is a Prat._

_Does he end every entry with an "I hate Arthur" phrase? _Then Arthur fell asleep, to be dreaming about if Merlin was with him. He was exhausted from the break down earlier that night.

* * *

**okay so how was it? tell me ur favorite part!**

**and im sorry Arthur was all... not-in-character... but still i hope thats okay with you~**

**and here is a note~**

**-if there is an AU story and you want me to make a diary entry on that please review it to me (or PM me~~)**

**so thank you for reading and i hope you can wait until next week~~**


	4. The Mark of Nimueh

**Hello, i am sooo sorry T.T**

**Im in my third year of high school and OMG LIFE IS HORRIBLE! DSFAHDFIASH STRESS AND STUFF T.T so im not able to update every week T.T... even during winterbreak im at SAT cram school and UGH kill me...**

**my christmas i was at cram school... during new years i was there (and sick)**

**but thanks to all of the wonderful reviews i... got all motivated and told myself to write... and i did. THANK YOU ^.^ (especially to the guests who urged me to write)**

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Merlin's Diary

Chapter 4: The Mark of Nimueh

o.o.o.o.o

Arthur woke up with a start; his head felt heavy and his eyelids were swollen. _Oh my god… last night._ The king sat up and remembered the humiliating break down he had last night. Getting up, the blond put his shirt on and looked for the old brown journal.

_*Dear Diary,_

_Gaius and I discovered corpse on the side of the road, the body's hue was light blue and his veins were protruding. I asked whether Gaius was scared or not, but he gave me a valuable lesson… he advised me that I cannot be afraid of my job, even if it means dying._

_But on the happier note, I met Gwen on the way back, she handed we a purple flower, it got awkward again, but I don't mind… she is a really good friend.*_

Arthur smiled, he continued to read.

_*Gaius was called by Uther, the King was being really, really loathsome, trying to get the answer from Gaius but ASDUFISDHA so obnoxious! I hate him! We don't know yet and asking a numerous amount of questions every five seconds like a little brat won't freaking bring the answer.*_

The blond walked out of Merlin's door and saw food on the table, Gwaine and Hunith were nowhere to be found. The confused male walked over to the … breakfast…? _Can I even call that porridge?_ Arthur furrowed his eyebrows and his top lip creased up in disgust. _I remember that one time… when I tasted this… I really am rude_. The King then chuckled and sat down to eat the meal.

_*Arthur began searching every home for magic, and again Gaius gave me some wisdom, he told me that Magic is neither good nor bad… it's how you use it. But Arthur HAD to come to our rooms and I seriously had a hard attack, the magic book was on the ground… out in the open and when he called me to come to him I thought I was going to hurl, I was silently saying goodbye to everyone I knew.*_

The king almost bit his tongue. _I knew it! He was hiding something!_ Then he scooped another blob into his mouth.

_*However… Arthur… being a troll told me he found a cabinet… where I could put stuff in. I guess I would have been funny, since my room was a mess, but this was too much although in the end I covered the magic book with a dirty shirt; thank goodness my room was messy.*_

Arthur finished his meal and was about to take off to look for Gwaine. Luckily the knight came through the door at that time. "Gwaine! Where have you been?"

"Oh is the princess feeling all better now?" the brunette joked around. When he saw anger and humiliation burning in Arthur's eyes he got straight to the business. "I asked Hunith how Merlin… died… and she said it was a bear attack." Grabbing a seat, Gwaine continued his story, "I wondered around the woods to see of any attack but I could find any. Hunith stopped me and confessed."

Arthur raised his brows, "Confessed what?"

Gwaine licked his lip and looked around, unsure of whether to tell or not.

"Tell me Gwaine."

"Hunith told me that Merlin is alive, or she thinks he is well. She told that Merlin came to here in the middle of the night… he asked her to tell people he was dead…"

Arthur had a straight 'I'm working' face. "Why would Merlin make his mother lie?"

"To protect her" answered the now eating knight.

The king lowered his head and began to think. He might not have been the brightest tool in the shed but he was able to think for himself. "Then Merlin might be alive… doing what?"

Gwaine chewed his food and replied, "That's what I want to know."

o.o.o.o.o

_*But I did find out that I can use science to repel Arthur… Damn he's an idiot*._

The once and future king thanked Hunith, and began to ride back to Camelot. _Science doesn't scare me…_ he thought.

_*When Gaius told him to get out (politely) because he was working on science-y stuff Arthur gave a - oh-god-I'll-just-leave-now - face._

_However it frustrates me to be unable to use magic to cure the sick, I know I can do it! But I gave in and tried to do it with science…_

_We found out that it was due to the water source, but when I was fetching water, Gwen ran to Gaius. I found out that her father was infected, so that night I couldn't sleep to help Gwen, I placed an enchantment under Thomas's pillow to cure him. But on the way there I had a bit of fun; I knocked out a knight since he got a bit too close to me.*_

Before the two men reached the castle Arthur stopped. "Gwaine, if you ever tell anyone about my… emotional state. I shall have you hanged." The blond cleared his throat and indifferently he continued to ride.

"Sure thing princess." Gwaine said sarcastically. He huffed and followed his king.

_*I felt elated that Gwen was relieved, I felt useful. In the morning I went to Gwen… she told me I was funny. Well… after she got suspicious about me and my "physic powers". Seeing her laugh was an amazing and I feel my heart skip a beat._

_However my heart did stop when Gwen was seized. So I went to the court room, I never felt so stupid and useless… Why does Uther not listen to the people who tell the truth? He is detestable._

_I thought I was doing a good deed. I thought I was saving a life… as I was explaining to Gaius, he gave me an idea… with much power I have much responsibilities right? So I went to Gwen… so unselfish, she didn't want anyone to cry for her.*_

Guinevere was on Arthur's mind. He recalled the ill feelings he used to have. He also remembered how Morgana used to be pure and innocent.

_*I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran into a meeting, and I confessed that I was the sorcerer. But no one would believe me. Gaius said I was mad, and Arthur explained that I was no way to be a person with magic.*_

"So he was telling the truth." Arthur bit the joint of his index finger and continued to read.

_*"There's no way MERLIN is a sorcerer."_

"_He's got a grave mental disease… He's in love… with Gwen"_

_I know I saved his life but still… still I wished I didn't. I have never been so embarrassed… I don't think of her that way! And I hope Arthur seriously dies or something, because I am NOT an idiot.*_

"Ha! I wonder if Merlin actually liked Guinevere. I probably would have beheaded him…" a smile appeared of the stressed out king and he flipped the page.

_*But I have to thank him for saving my life… but I can't believe that even though I even confessed to him that he wouldn't believe that I was a warlock! How stupid could he be!?_

_Sometimes it frustrates me._

_I went to the water supply cave thing with Gaius and saw a very evil looking beast. Gaius identified it and I ran to Gwen and promised to get her out. I knew I was able to._

_I went to the Great Dragon to seek help… but he only gave me a riddle… something about elements and Arthur was the other side of the coin. aDO:FHASDIF DOES HE SPEAK IN FREAKING RIDDLES?_

_Gaius and I figured out that Air and Fire could kill the beast. Hehe I also told him that I was the brighter side of the coin and Arthur was on the other side. _

_Morgana helped us get Arthur… but I wonder how…_

_We went into the cave, and Oh my gad… I need to learn from her… she knows how to humiliate Arthur in a second.*_

Sir Leon entered Arthur cambers and bowed. "Arthur there are civilians who wish to speak with you. It involves magic users." Arthur stood from his desk and thought, _Maybe a clue about where Merlin is might… might…_

_*So Arthur found the beast, and blah blah blah fight fight fight blah… Then I casted a spell to make the fire project and we… more like I defeated it.*_

Arthur went to the throne room and sat down in front of the farmers.

"My lord, t-there were sorcerers… in our fields and when they began to burn our crops. When my husband tried to fight them… they…" The woman broke down into tears. The younger female went to the sobbing one and finished her sentence.

"The sorcerers took the village men and slaughtered them." The young one had glossy eyes, but she tried to stay strong for the others behind her.

"I-I shall look into this. Thank you for informing us." Arthur watched the women reach the door, then once they were out Gwaine leaned towards the king and whispered.

"Does this mean the rebellion has begun?"

Arthur stood and with a powerful booming voice he commanded, "Men, we are now at war against the magic users. Alert all stations and double the patrols."

Talking with his people, one thought came up into his mind… the thought that was drilled into his head since he was a boy.

"_Magic is evil"_

Arthur picked up Merlin's diary and gave it to Gwaine. "Burn this journal. And remember," acute blue eyes pierced Gwaine's soul. "Forget about Merlin. All. Magic. Is. Evil."

Gwaine growled. He opened the journal and read out loud:

_*Gwen was released and Morgana seriously gave me a scare… she told me that "your secret's safe with me" and I seriously thought that it was about with magic… but it turned out that she thought I liked Gwen._

_So at the end of the day, I ate with Gaius but I just wanted…*_

Arthur stood for a second, hesitating.

*_I wanted someone to see… what I have done; I want someone to see me for who I am._

_But for now I guess I'll have to wait for someone to notice me.*_

Then the blond continued to walk through the door and into the planning room.

_Arthur… Gaius gave this book to you for a reason. Why do you push away the truth?_ Gwaine closed the journal, shook his head, and followed after the king.

_Merlin… please be okay. _

o.o.o.o.o

In the village of Bathum…

Merlin ran to the burning field. "Stop! You don't have to do this!" He yelled at the sorcerers.

"You have no idea what we have been through Emrys!"

"YES I HAVE!" Merlin's eyes shined and he put out the fires instantly. A wave of power made the magic users fall to their backs. "I have told you! Arthur is not Uther!"

Villagers ran to their fields only to find their crops burnt, but also a sorcerer with pale skin, and a handkerchief around his neck.

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**So how was it?**

**please tell me so i can be motivated to write and stuff! Im kinda debating on whether to include ALL the episodes or to skip a few... meh idk u guys should tell me or something.**

**anyway... I finished watching Merlin and OMFREAKINGG! IHFSDIHFASDIHFASIDHFASIHFASD F U HAVE IFHASDIHFA NO IDEA FASIDHFASID IDSAHFSADIFASHDFHFH OMG! MY HEART JUST FREAKING DIED!**

**anyway... (okay... im okay... im calm.) Im going to manipulate my story to match the actual series... but i cant tell u how... since it is going to be a suprise... anyway... love ya and thanks for reading!**

**bye~ LEAVE REVIEWS PLEASE!**


	5. The Poisoned Chalice

**Okay... so hi :)**

**I was again motivated. I know... pretty good aint i? less than 24 hours! WHOOHOO**

**please enjoy~**

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Merlin's Diary

Chapter 5: The Poisoned Chalice

o.o.o.o.o

"Who did you say it was?"

It was King Arthur, he stood tall and questioned a small woman in her late 30's.

"I-we do not know who it was… we just saw jet black hair, pale skin, and a handkerchief tied around his neck." The woman trembled, her hair was tied back into a head cover. She bowed her head and then escorted out of the large throne room.

Arthur sat still in the large wooden throne. The king clenched his fists until his knuckles were white. Anger flooded him, anger and disappointment._ Why would Merlin… Merlin of all people do this?_ The blond placed his elbows unto his thighs and placed his head unto his right hand. Uther's voice echoed in his head:

_All Magic is evil, magic is nothing but evil_

The king motioned to sir Elyan to let the next group of civilians to enter the room.

There a girl in her youthful years skipped into the room and two knights followed after her. The King's blue eyes narrowed. "What have you come for?" he greeted.

"My lord, I have come to tell you… that…" The girl froze and smirked. "That war has begun." The child's brown hair blew with the wind. She chanted a spell.

Arthur stood from his throne and shouted: "Guards capture her!" But it was too late, The girl has vanished, same goes for the two knights.

"Elyan! Leon! Gather the rest my men! We must prepare." Without skipping a beat the two men rushed out the door.

Arthur sat back down and covered his faced with his hands. Even after three days no one knows where the rebels are meeting. He rubbed his eyes in frustration. _By now Merlin would have commented on something idiotic_. Arthur sighed. The one person he needed the most was gone, and he was a magician.

The king wanted comfort, but his hate toward magic only grew when he eyed the leather journal Gwaine did not throw away. He opened it knowing he will soon regret it.

_*Dear Diary,_

_I began the day by polishing some armor; it was the day Camelot was going to make a treaty with the Kingdom of Mercia. Throughout the day I was doing chores… a lot of chores. However while I was talking to Gaius I met this person, she was beautiful. She tripped in front of me and she said her name was Kara. She said it was nice meeting me. Kara had a red and blue dress, her hair was under a head wrap.*_

"I remember this event" the blue eyed male mumbled. _Merlin… was an ordinary person, it is still hard to accept that fact that he has magic._ Arthur then continued to read.

_*Afterward I had to help Arthur get ready for the banquet; his clothes were disgusting smelly… and the worst part… I had to wear the official ceremonial robe of a servant of Camelot. I cannot tell you how horrible it was._

_Feathered hat, apron style clothes. UGH*_

Arthur knew something was off, how would someone so trustworthy have… magic? Denial was strong in the King's mind. He was confused, frustrated, and upset.

_*But after the two kings signed the treaty, Kara took me to the back and told me… that King Bayard poisoned Arthur's cup, I had to do something to stop them but... when I did. I got scolded and almost got killed. There were knights drew their swords and Uther handed the goblet to me. I knew there was poison in it. Although Arthur tried to stop me… I knew I had to drink it. It was my duty to protect him.*_

"You know, Merlin isn't the one burning the crops… nor is he the one killing all those men."

Arthur looked up, Gwaine was leaning on a pillar with his arms crossed. "What do you want." He spat.

"All I wanted were a friend and someone I could be loyal to." The brunette pushed himself off of the pillar and walked toward the frustrated male. "I had everything I wanted. Trust me Merlin has too soft of a heart to actually hurt anyone."

Arthur looked back at the journal and spoke, "Why would someone with magic drink poison for a prat?"

Gwaine raised his eyes in amusement. "Are you talking about Merlin?"

The king nodded.

"Well… because he loves that prat." The corners of the knight's mouth curved up, "Well… I guess I'll leave you to continue to read." Then the man turned around and waved goodbye.

_*When I drank from the cup nothing was wrong, however I felt fire… fire through my throat and slowly as it spread through my body I fell, unable to keep my knees from trembling. I don't remember anything else that happened (Gaius and Gwen helped me fill in the story.)*_

"was he really in that much pain?" mumbled the King.

_*Arthur volunteered to go get the antidote; however Uther forbade him to go. I heard that Arthur actually cared for a low life servant for me. Thanks to Morgana, Arthur left on a dangerous journey.*_

The blond stood up and stepped down from the seat and with broad shoulders he prepared himself to enter the room where the circle table was.

_*All I remember is that fire was burning me; I felt cool sweat run down my neck and forehead. I overheard Gaius and Gwen talking… I had only three days until I died. Magic has increased the power of the poison._

_It burned. Burned like mad. I recall mumbling things although I don't know what; Gaius told me about the things I said a couple of words in the old language and Arthur's name. I felt the magic run through my veins, but I didn't know what for.*_

Guilt began breaking Arthur's heart.

_*It is so frustrating! I cannot remember what happened! And it burned, it was as if fire was surrounding me, everything was cold. But then I do remember I had a vision; it was Kara leading Arthur into a trap. (Gaius told me that I was mumbling a few phrases again). Arthur flew across the bridge and there were large spiders coning after him. I never felt so useless and fearful. I was about to black out. I could feel my heart stopping. But with the last few ounces of magic I sent a magical bubble to lead Arthur out of the caves. It was draining me… but I knew I had to keep going on. (Gaius told me I kept mumbling: Leave them, go save yourself, follow the light, Faster, follow the light, move, climb.)*_

Arthur stopped in his tracks, _that magical bubble… that guided me out of the cave… Merlin sent it?_ The blond put his hand on his forehead. He could not believe that Merlin… his manservant was the one who saved him. He thought it was a fluke or something.

_*I do not know what I was doing, or what Arthur was doing._

_I heard that when Arthur arrived to back to Camelot. Uther arrested him and lectured him about doing the right way and the wrong way. _

_I could only feel death approaching me. His Black Robes reaching toward me… long slender fingers reaching for my throat.*_

Pain hit Arthur right in the heart. Thinking that Merlin might have actually died gave him fear… true fear.

_*I could see it… there was the light. But I knew my life was not over yet, so I stopped and tried to hold on to everything I could. I felt warm liquid run in me, my heart was thumping hard… but then there was nothing… no heart beat… no anything.*_

"My god… Merlin… you had to endure all that pain?" Arthur arrived to the room; his knights, Guinevere, Gaius, and a few council members stood as he walked through the door.

_*But then I felt hands pull me back, then I opened my eyes and I saw Gaius hugging Gwen – which was pretty disgusting._

_So then I told them:_

"_You should be ashamed of yourself! You're old enough to be her grandfather."*_

Arthur took his spot and sat, "We are now at war." Nothing can make Arthur smile ever again. His ex-manservant and friend… his brother… betrayed him. The innocent Merlin is no more. Reading the ex-manservant's journal only gave him pain.

_*Then a surprise happened… Gwen kissed me. It… It was more than okay._

_Anyway I am glad that this experience was over, however Uther once again blamed magic but no… magic is not evil! Only the people are…_

_Afterwards Arthur came into my room. He asked if I was still alive. I was extremely thankful so I told him I was thankful, from the heart._

_Arthur was a true prince, I knew he is more than a spoiled prat… he was more than a prince. He was a man of true honor.*_

"Merlin…" The King began. "Is no longer an ally, he is… a part of the sorcerers… because" Tears ran down from Arthur's eyes. "B-because" A lump in Arthur's throat caused him to choke on his words. "B-because he has magic." Tears spilled uncontrollably down Arthur's cheeks.

_*After he left Gaius and I talked, we were discussing what the witch had as a goal… she wanted me to die… her goal was my death. She knew what my destiny was… she knew how great my powers are… but I know she was mistaken. I am nothing but a servant.*_

No longer was Arthur in denial…

But instead… he misunderstood who Merlin really is…

* * *

**soooo... how was it? good bad? please tell me~**

**oh and SERIOUSLY FREAKING REVIEW! I KNOW U READ IT! NOW U MUST REVIEW! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (yeah... im a bit... odd)**

**no but seriously... review :)... unless its so bad that u dont want to say anything about it... then it's okay... whatever... ill just cry... alone... and die... sigh...**


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